Tuesday, September 14, 2010

An Angel will get his wings...

Friends of ours are going through something NO parent should ever have to... children aren’t supposed to die before their parents. Bad things aren’t supposed to happen to Good people (and no I haven’t read the book - I can’t bring myself to. Not 4 1/2 years ago when my uncle passed away WAY too young and not now either. I pick it up to start and I begin to cry...)

Our friend’s son has been sick for half of his wee life. He is 4 years old. four years old. I can’t even begin to imagine... They are saying their goodbyes - how exactly they are supposed to do this I don’t know? but I feel like a failure as a friend - I could have, should have - but didn’t - do more as a friend. I’m busy... I’m tired... I’m out with my other friends and their children that aren’t sick. yes, I suck as a friend. and what is worse - as I sit here crying over the devastation they must be feeling - I am thanking God that my babies are okay. Reid wasn’t for a long time... he’s doing fantastic now - thank you God - but he wasn’t - and I had some friends that sucked too (and some that still do, but that’s another post and a bottle of wine...)

I am grateful for are the ones that were there for us. That are there for me. The ones that I know I can call after months of not talking - because we are all busy - and know they are there for me. Or the ones that I do talk to everyday - and will meet me for my beloved vanilla latte with caramel drizzle because they want one too... I am thanking all of you now.

I cannot put into words what all I am trying to say - what all I want to say - but my heart is aching. I know that an Angel will get his wings - too soon - but he will be beautiful. I know that a family will forever have an empty, aching spot on their heart and a friend that hopes they know how much I care...


Editor's note:

Sadly, wee Tucker passed away peacefully in his sleep recieving his angel wings at 0027 on September 16, 2010. RIP little man, you now have your beautiful Angel wings. xoxo


  1. Amanda, that is so sad. I'm choking back tears. Your post is heartfelt and touching and I believe your friends will appreciate your friendship. You don't suck! Life sucks. You have no control over it. I truly hope your friends can find peace and healing.

  2. thank you Diana... xo

    I am going to post here what I just wrote out to one of my BFF's:

    I know that this isn't about me - not at all - I just feel rotten. and I can't begin to imagine what they are going through. I am crying because no parent should have to go through this - and I am crying b/c I am grateful my kids are ok... and because I haven't talked to her that often, gotten together - nothing. so ya, I know that I suck.

    We met them when I was pg with the twins - we bought their triple stroller- they didn't know then that he was sick - it was about a month after that they got the diagnosis. I had the twins - and well all hell broke loose for us, while they were dealing the with terrible news they rec'd. We talked off and on.. said how we should get together - then things got really bad for him - found out it was life threatening... fast forward to now - they've been told by the dr's there isn't anything more that can be done. Thurs they are taking him off life support and told everyone if they wanted to come say their goodbye's then to do it today/tomorrow as thurs will be for immediate family/time.

    I can't begin to imagine what they are going through... and my heart is aching for them.

  3. Oh my dear...am I so sorry. Hugs and prayers to your friend and for you too...

  4. Amanda,
    It is times like these where we all demand answers, ends tied, purposes granted, ... but they don't always come. We are left floundering. Sad. Angry. And weirdly enough, purposeful! We look around desperately for something solid and lasting. We may re-aquaint ourselves with a God we once knew or re-affirm our friendships and supportive relationships, or even re-allign our priorities, seeking to create a proper framework for our lives, and inevitably for the next tragedy.
    Will we still mess up despite all this? Of course!
    Will others mess up in caring for us? Absolutely!
    Let us, however, be thankful for the good and the beautiful while they are within our grasp. Once gone, we will cherish the memories and the impact of these gifts on our lives. We should not rob today's gratitude with yesterday's guilt and regrets.
    I pray for your friends at this unimaginable time they have been and will be experiencing in the coming days.
    Thank you for an honest and heart-felt post Amanda!

  5. Amanda, I agree with you. No parent should ever have to go through what your friends are going through. I keep shaking my head and thinking life is not fair...

  6. Such a heartbreaking story, Amanda. My sincerest wishes go to your friends at this time - can't even begin to imagine what they're going through at the minute.

    Keep strong - they'll need their friends.

  7. So heartbreaking!
    It's not fair to lose a child. Life shouldn't be this way...
    I would like to take a second to introduce you to a foundation that helps families facing a loss by providing free professional photographs for families who are have terminally ill babies.